When you think of confidence, what do you think of? The world has taught us to believe that confidence comes from bronzer, hair extensions, fake eyelashes, self-tanner, plastic surgery, dieting, shape wear, fake nails, a new outfit, and fierce photo to show it all off.

I don’t necessarily think any of those things in and of themselves are “bad”. I believe it’s the reason behind buying/using/wearing them that is. We tell ourselves “they make me feel more confident” and “I feel better about myself with them”... but why? Because other people think we look better with them? Because we are achieving the standard of beauty that we see on billboards and in magazines? Because we look in the mirror and we match what celebrities and influencers look like? Why do they make you feel better and more confident?... and do they actually give you confidence?... as in REAL confidence?

Real confidence vs. Temporary satisfaction

Real confidence can’t be taken away. It’s not something that can come and go as we put on makeup or clip in extensions. It isn’t attached to things we can buy or rub our our faces. Real confidence isn’t dependent on things at all. What we actually feel when we get glammed up or put on a new outfit is called “temporary satisfaction”. It only lasts until that thing is gone.

So what is REAL confidence?

Real confidence is knowledge and intelligence. It’s truth. It’s kindness and service. It’s respect for ourselves and those around us. It’s understanding that our bodies are tools and not ornaments. It’s love and charity. It’s knowing that our worth is eternal and unchanging. It’s acceptance of who we are and hope of who we can become. It’s peace and humility. It’s a tangible light in our countenance that you can visibly see (that no toner or highlighter can achieve).

How do I develop REAL confidence?

Real confidence comes with work, patience, practice, understanding, and purpose. It comes by making daily decisions to choose our potential and what we are capable of. It comes by prioritizing our values over popularity and social approval. Real confidence comes when we truly care more about our internal well-being than our external appearance. 

What does REAL confidence look like in our everyday lives?

Real confidence looks like embracing our natural features and bodies. It looks like setting goals and making plans for our day. It includes learning new skills, developing healthy habits, prioritizing our mental health, being vulnerable and honest, eating nutritious foods, healthy exercise, having personal hygiene, listening to understand, reaching out, complimenting those around us, selflessly serving and giving of our time and energy, and so much more.

What is the benefit of having REAL confidence?

Freedom. We aren't dependent on things. We don't need to show up late to an important lunch with a friend because we slept in and are still applying makeup. We don't need to miss a son's soccer game because we have a massive zit that we think people will stare at. We don't need to reschedule a date because our roots are grown out. We simply show up. 

Fulfillment. We no longer have temporary satisfaction. Rather than fleeting moments and flickers of endorphins, we feel long-lasting joy and peace. 

Beauty. We have a light in our eye and our aura that is irreplaceable and unreplicable. It changes our tangible appearance and enhances our physical identity.

What does this mean for me?

This means something different for all of us. Only you know the answer to this question for yourself. Maybe it means ending the crash diet and instead eating healthy foods that give you energy to play with your kids. Maybe it means cutting back on the heavy makeup to enhance your natural features. Maybe it means going on date night tonight rather than rescheduling for next week after your hair appointment. Maybe it means dressing more modestly so we aren't focused on our bodies. Only YOU know what this means, and only YOU have the power to do something about it. 

As for me, my goal this week is to eat more fruits and vegetables to make sure I'm feeding my body the nutrients it deserves. What's your goal?